This video killed me!! Whoever did it ...wagwaaaan!!! Hahahahaar! #ShareItWidely
Posted by Larry Asego on Monday, October 13, 2014

Poetry: Chickens

Naming Chickens

If you name your chickens

you’ll never cut off their head

‘Cause you’ll never put mash potatoes

next to anything called Fred

You’ll never shake –n – bake

good ‘ol Mary Lou

And you won’t make chicken – n – dumplings

when Ellies in the stew

You’ll never have down pillows

or a feather tick

‘Cause your never gonna’ pluck

a critter you call Rick

You’ll never have chicken salad

if Cluckie's in the mix

And no more chicken tacos

if Speckles is the fix

No more chicken pot pie

when Waddles under crust

No chicken enchiladas

if you’re wrapping Russ                                                         

There ain’t no chicken sandwich                         

if Nelly is the fill                                                            

No more deep fried chicken                                         

if you have to batter Bill                                                              

There’s so many tasty things                                    

that poultry can provide                                                    

Far beyond the egg                                                          

hidden underneath their hide                                                        

So don’t go naming chickens                                       

if for these things you long                                            

Unless you’re settin’ up                                                 

a chicken retirement home 

Microsloshed Walls 3.0

Microsloshed Corporation of Smoke'em, Washington introduces the most fantabulous operating system overlay ever, a high-performance GUI (Generally Useless Interface) that will transform your measly old command-line driven PC into a state-of-the-art multitasking system! MICROSLOSHED WALLS Microsloshed Walls frees you from the worries of incompatible hardware--in fact, if any part of your computer is in the tiniest respect different from an original IBM PC, Microsloshed Walls will pretend it doesn't exist and lock up when you try to install the drivers--automatically! Complicated and cumbersome command-line functions have been replaced by simple, intuitive mouse-driven commands without confusing options or user-burdening functionality. Microsloshed Walls version 3.0 is a major step forward--boldly abandoning the restraints of compatibility with either DOS or Walls 2.9 applications while not making you waste your time learning new features or capabilities. Conventional DOS programs are limited to a mere 640K of memory; Microsloshed Walls will use up every last byte of memory on your computer and more! Microsloshed Walls provides your programs with a uniform user interface so simple and easy to use that all your applications will look and act exactly the same. Whether you're using a telecommunications package or a compiler, you'll be completely unable to tell them apart! Several of the functions of the Microsloshed applications you've grown to love under DOS will still work some of the time under Walls and a variety of Microsloshed products are very nearly supported by Microsloshed Walls including Expell, QuirkC, QuirkBASIC, QuirkPascal, and QuirkRATFOR. The popular word processing program Microsloshed Wart has been fully updated and modified just for Walls, making it totally unlike Microsloshed Wart while still retaining the same name. Microsloshed Walls includes its own special version of QEMMMM (Quirky Extraneous Massive Memory Multi-Mangler) converting your system's extraneous memory into impacted memory which can be more efficiently wasted by Walls.

We guarantee that, when you install Microsloshed Walls on your computer, you'll kiss your old DOS prompt goodbye. In fact, after just one session with Microsloshed Walls, you may never use any of your old programs again.

Microsloshed.
Software that makes your computer obsolete.

Baby learning to take a photo

Having fun with Zeph, my son. We were learning how to connect one computer to another.

Best Kenya TV ad 2012 - Faiba

Best Kenya TV ad 2012 - Faiba

How not to ask a Ugandan girl on a date

Be sure you know what you want before you embark on a rather embarrassing or harassing moment.

The Best Diet Tips

Diet Coke, 12-Ounce Cans (Pack of 24)

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true? 
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.  
 
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?   
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!
 
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
 
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? 
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain...good! 
       
Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?   
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  
 
Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? 
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  
 
Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?   
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!
 
Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?   
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
 
Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?   
A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!   
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

The Complete Master Cleanse: A Step-by-Step Guide to Maximizing the Benefits of The Lemonade Diet 


And  remember:
 
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
 

 
 

AND.....
 
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
 
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
 
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
 
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..  
 
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
 
CONCLUSION: 
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Senior Citizen Texting Code

there is so much that can be said about this poster. All I will say is that it is simply Hilarious. Feel free to add on to the code...

iPhone 4 / 4S Anti-Glare, Anti-Scratch, Anti-Fingerprint - Matte Finishing Screen Protector

Alphabet - Kenyan version

For your beoble :
A ~ handelop
B ~ patafly
C ~ crogotail
D ~ tok
E ~ helefant
F ~ frok
G ~ chiraf
H ~ hibobotomus
I ~ insi
J ~ chagol
K ~ giwi
L ~ leopat
M ~ Mangi
N ~ nyoga
O ~ hosdrich
P ~ bikok
R ~ ret and
S ~ scobyon
T ~ todois
V ~ folcha
W ~ watok
Y ~??
Z ~ sepra

Talented Engineer

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate.

The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

So, the authorities release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, "WAIT!!!… I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!"

Quick Thinker

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation.

He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door!"

Computer contrast

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.


In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

THE SECRET BOX

A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.

He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."

The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"

The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid.

It contained $10,000 and three eggs.

Think outside the box

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. 

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"